my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
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