Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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