think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
