Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
