Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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