my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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