I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
