i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
