i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
