i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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