It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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