next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
