You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
