if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
