im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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