phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
