I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
