4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize