And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
