The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
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