I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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