i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
