All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
