Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
