She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
