Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
