yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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