My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
