IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
