you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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