Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
