You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize