Just cropdusted the office
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
