My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
