Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
