i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
