She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
