I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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