Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
