My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
