So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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