Already got asked if we're dating
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
