god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
