So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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