I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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