im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
