you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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