worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
