Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
