Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize