last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
