oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
