I want to have your abortion
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
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