I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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