so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
When did angry sex become our thing?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
And then he peed in my hair
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