We got so high we made milksteak
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
