haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
