I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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