i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
