There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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