put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I will pee on everything he values.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Randomize
