My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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