I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
