Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
