i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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