You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
