I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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