A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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