Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
