she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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