CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
