remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize