Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize