man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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