I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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