bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
