Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
