Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
