The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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