you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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