wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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